Sunday, March 19, 2006
it is COLD!!!
freezing my ass off. freezing my ass off. freezing my ass off. BRRRR......
yes, it's an unearthly hour of the night. and i'm feeling particularly...i don't know...uncomfortable?
maybe that's the word.
anyways, it's one of those times when you really feel small. like there's a sandstorm, blowing and blowing around you, but this time, you're not a person standing in the storm. you're a grain of sand. the relentless flow of the world draws you in circles and dances you never wish to enter, yet have no choice but to do so, taking those steps, making those leaps, doing those spins. and all the while acutely aware of your epic insignificance against that booming force, as well as in the grander scheme of things. in times like these, you either sit back and let the winds blow as they will, or you consciously sit up and battle them like a wildcat.
i feel old. i feel jaded. i sometimes feel the rush of childlike pleasure, but often, alone, i feel drained. like there's no point in any of this. i usually fight the tide, but more out of a kind of desperate defiance rather than any sort of real resolution rooted in belief. such a strange, post-modern little nihilist i am.
life goes on anyway.
today was spent sleeping in till about 11, then going to victoria st (little vietnam) with aunty margaret, diane and ben. shopped for groceries, then had pho for lunch (good stuff). came back, then set off for the city with everybody except ben, shopped, came back, had dinner, listened to music, had some beer and some vodka cruisers, talked about photography with uncle simon, and now am sitting here. past few days have been all about school school school. tomorrow i will probably not be able to wake up for church, will sleep in, wake up, do my body, text, performance readings, lounge around with music blasting in my ears, then to bed and school the next day. exciting stuff isn't it? (actually operating the bolex camera -those fim cameras that you have to wind up and load with film and shoot silent movies with- is pretty fun. it's cool to be able to lay a hand on such a piece of almost-forgotten technology.)
anyways, on a sidenote, that guy has disappeared. he's got me worried, frankly. i just hope everything's ok...
**dream until you die**2:31 AM
