Monday, August 15, 2005
okay. i'll update now, cos the only others options are to do my work, which i do not want to, not yet, or to be a fangirl and look for pics and rubbish, which i swear is detrimental to what remains of my intellect (i mean, if anybody asks me why i like miyavi so much, i'm literally reduced to a wobbling gob of limpid-eyed jelly that can only squeal '
cos he is soooo darn cuuute!!!' If that isn't retarded i don't know what is. my obsession with him, sadly, is very much a fangirl thing.)
after a reason and passion lecture on seneca, i've decided that i'm probably a born stoic. i'm so resigned to alot of shit that i rarely ever get truly angry. and when i do, i often don't act on it. and when i'm excited, i don't actually bounce off the walls like most people. what a dull existence, huh? a level line of emotion that rarely jumps. maybe that's why i find it hard to create sometimes, because creation comes out of chaos. even the theory of creation involves chaos- entropy. entropy is the level of disorder in the universe, and this disorder is data, and data is...matter. yeach. i need to let out my inner freak more often. and yes, this is abstract, cos i'm in a pensive mood.
while my temperament is stoic, though, my idea of the perfect lifestyle is much more epicurean. epicurus had some nice ideas about life, like he decided that life was about enjoyment, and we can all relate to that can't we? so he taught that friends were the greatest joys one could ever have, and he lived out this idea when he moved to athens, buying a huge house and bringing all his friends to live with him there. it wasn't enough to just meet up with people once in a while, it was essential to be with them almost all the time. and he said that no matter what, never eat alone: a meal was about being with other people. a little suffocating, the extent he took it to, but the basic idea sounds good. there's no need for too many friends, although he did have quite a few, but those who are friends must be really close and companionable. quite modern huh? lol. you can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends, and in some ways, they can be your family. no i'm not ditching my family for friends, nor am i saying that friends are more important, i'm just saying that most people get on better with friends because friends are formed on the basis of compatibility, not the roll of chance that people have with family. people can't truly be happy being lonely all the time. some solitude is healthy, but not loneliness. there's a reason why people read books and watch tv about other people, fictitious or otherwise: it's the same reason we make friends. it's so that we are assured that there are people out there who think like us, feel like us, act like us; that there are people who are as weird as we ourselves are.
**dream until you die**6:30 PM
